by Dr. Natalie Simms, Director of Social Media, gcLi; Dean of Lower School, Brownell Talbot College Preparatory School in Omaha, NE
When many adults hear the word leadership, they often picture public speaking, student council, or the child who naturally takes charge in a group. But leadership in elementary students is often much quieter, more foundational, and far more important than we realize. Leadership is not simply about being in charge. Instead, it is rooted in four essential pillars: love, ingenuity, diversity and justice, and empowering and inspiring others. This definition shifts leadership away from popularity or performance and toward character, connection, and contribution.
Leadership development in children begins with leadership of self. Before students can effectively lead peers or positively impact their community, they must first learn how to understand and manage themselves. For young children, this includes developing curiosity, empathy, humility, resilience, independence, healthy self-talk, and problem-solving skills. One of the most important ideas in leadership development is that adults should focus on building habits rather than labeling children by traits or personalities. Leadership is not something children either possess or lack. It is a collection of skills, mindsets, and behaviors that can be nurtured over time.
This perspective is especially important because leadership can often be quiet. Some of the strongest young leaders are not the loudest students in the classroom. They are the children who consistently include others, demonstrate integrity, persevere through challenges, encourage classmates, and take responsibility for their actions. When adults broaden the definition of leadership, more children begin to see themselves as capable contributors and leaders in their own unique ways.
Children are most likely to develop leadership skills when they feel connected, competent, confident, and safe enough to take risks. Families and schools play a critical role in creating these conditions. Adults can support leadership growth by allowing children to solve manageable problems independently, encouraging reflection rather than immediately stepping in with solutions, modeling empathy and respectful communication, and celebrating effort, resilience, and growth. Even helping children reframe negative self-talk can strengthen their confidence and leadership capacity over time.
An important part of developing leadership in children is recognizing that mistakes are not interruptions to learning—they are often the most powerful opportunities for learning. When students make poor choices, struggle socially, or fail to meet expectations, educators have a responsibility to respond with guidance and reflection rather than shame and blame. Too often, adults respond to student mistakes with phrases like “You should have known better,” which can unintentionally communicate that failure is a character flaw rather than a normal part of growth. Research on growth mindset consistently shows that students are more resilient, motivated, and willing to persevere when they believe abilities and behaviors can improve through effort, reflection, and support.
Current research also suggests that the type of feedback students receive after setbacks significantly shapes how they respond emotionally and academically. Process-focused feedback—feedback that emphasizes reflection, strategies, effort, and next steps—helps students adapt more effectively to challenges than person-focused responses centered on judgment or labeling. When children are shamed for mistakes, they are more likely to experience avoidance, self-doubt, withdrawal, or defensiveness, all of which can interfere with motivation, self-regulation, and healthy risk-taking. In contrast, classrooms that normalize mistakes as part of learning help students develop perseverance, emotional regulation, and confidence.
This does not mean removing accountability or consequences. In fact, meaningful accountability is an essential part of leadership development. However, accountability should be paired with reflection and restoration rather than humiliation. Restorative approaches encourage students to think about the impact of their actions, repair harm, and identify better choices moving forward. Research on restorative practices in schools has shown that these approaches can strengthen relationships, improve social development, and reframe discipline as an opportunity for growth rather than punishment alone.
For elementary students especially, adults set the emotional tone for how mistakes are interpreted. A teacher who responds calmly and reflectively communicates, “You made a mistake, and you can learn from it.” A shame-based response often communicates, “Something is wrong with you.” That distinction matters deeply. Leadership development depends on helping children build the confidence to take risks, solve problems, recover from setbacks, and continue growing. Students who are afraid of embarrassment or humiliation are far less likely to demonstrate initiative, curiosity, and resilience.
Leadership opportunities for elementary students do not need to be formal or highly visible. Some of the most meaningful examples happen during ordinary moments throughout the school day and at home. Students can demonstrate leadership by showing respect in the lunchroom, helping peers during transitions, acting with integrity, resolving conflicts kindly, or taking responsibility for routines and tasks. These everyday experiences teach children that leadership is about contribution, responsibility, and positive influence rather than status or recognition.
The elementary years are a critical time for developing the habits and emotional skills that shape future leaders. When schools and families intentionally cultivate empathy, curiosity, resilience, independence, and confidence, children begin to understand that leadership is not about being the loudest voice in the room. Instead, leadership is about using one’s strengths and character to positively influence others and contribute to a stronger community. Often, the most impactful leaders are the quiet ones who are learning, caring, growing, and making a difference every day.
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Dr. Natalie Simms is an educational leader passionate about teaching leadership to young students. Currently, she serves as Dean of Lower School at Brownell Talbot College Preparatory School. She also has teaching experience spanning both public and independent schools in states including New Jersey, North Carolina, Texas, California, Oregon and Nebraska. She serves as Director of Social Media for the Gardner Carney Leadership Institute (gcLi). When she’s not at work, Natalie enjoys going on adventures with her husband, Tom, and their dogs, Louie and Benny. She’s also an avid reader who enjoys spending quality time with family and friends, being outside, and running.