by Kelsey Twist Schroeder, Ed.D., Faculty, gcLi; Middle School Principal, Georgetown Day School, in Washington, D.C.
On the rare nights when my family of six manages to gather around the kitchen table for dinner—a victory amidst the chaos of busy schedules—we quickly dive into the stories of the day. I might ask my 3-year-old if he made a friend in his new preschool class or if he shared a toy. I ask my second grader about her recess adventures or how she helped out in her classroom that day. But when I turn to my middle schooler and in particular my high schooler, my questions seem to shift: “How was the math quiz? What did you think about the Spanish assessment? How did the basketball game go?”
This realization gave me pause. When and why did my focus change? Is this the tone I want to set for our family conversations, or is there a better way?
As my children have grown, I’ve noticed that my focus has subtly shifted toward their achievements, sometimes at the expense of emphasizing their sense of caring. It’s not that I value kindness and generosity any less now than when they were younger—in fact, raising caring souls who contribute positively to their communities remains my deepest priority. But I’ve come to realize that I do not always communicate those values as consistently or intentionally as I once did or as I would like to, and it turns out that I might not be alone.
In a recent presentation, Dr. Richard Weissbourd, Director of Making Caring Common at Harvard’s Graduate School of Education, described a significant gap between adults’ stated values and children’s perceptions. He shared findings from a survey of 10,000 young people, where 80% of respondents said they believe their parents value achievement or personal happiness more than caring for others.
For educators, this insight raises an important question: How can we ensure that what we communicate, both explicitly and implicitly, aligns with the values we hold deep? How can we create environments where kindness, empathy, and moral courage hold as much weight as academic success?
At the same time, how do we help students see that leadership, at its core, is not about authority or titles but about caring for others, making ethical decisions, and as Ron Heifetz describes, helping people adapt to challenging circumstances, especially those requiring fundamental changes in values, beliefs, or behaviors.
Here are a few strategies for keeping care, empathy, and leadership front and center in our classrooms and beyond:
1. Emphasize Caring as a Foundation of Leadership
Caring and empathy are foundational to leadership. Teaching students to act with kindness and compassion is the first step toward equipping them to lead effectively and ethically.
- In the Classroom: Create opportunities for students to reflect on acts of kindness they’ve observed or contributed to.
- In Conversations: Ask questions that focus on relationships and care, such as:
- “What’s one way you helped a classmate today?”
- “How did you include someone new or make someone feel welcome this week?”
These questions not only reinforce the importance of empathy but also help students see that leadership begins with actions that build trust, connection, and community.
2. Teach and Model Moral Courage
Empathy and kindness often require moral courage and may come at personal cost. This aspect of leadership is something that educators can teach and model.
- In Discussions: Use case studies, current events, or hypothetical scenarios to engage students in conversations about ethical dilemmas. Encourage them to think about different perspectives and to consider the short and long-term impact of their choices.
- By Modeling: When appropriate, share personal stories about times you had to make a tough moral decision. When students see adults acting with integrity, it sends a powerful message about the kind of leadership we value.
3. Celebrate Service and Collective Responsibility
Teaching students to value service and collective responsibility is essential for developing future leaders.
- In School Projects: Engage students in service-learning or community-based initiatives that allow them to see how their actions can create positive change. Emphasize that even small acts of service—writing thank-you notes, helping a peer, or organizing a school cleanup—can make a meaningful contribution.
- In Gratitude Practices: Build rituals of gratitude into the classroom.Things like “shout out” routines, gratitude journals or jars, or “one good thing” exit tickets are simple and effective.
If we are to cultivate caring leaders, we must equip teachers with the tools, resources, and professional networks to do this work effectively. The gcLi’s Pedagogy of Leadership® emphasizes the need for disciplined, research-based approaches to teaching leadership. Combining brain science, cultural competency, and developmental psychology, this framework helps educators create environments where all students can discover their leadership potential. Supporting teachers in this critical work is what keeps me coming back to the Leadership Lab summer after summer.
As educators, we have a tremendous opportunity to shape our students’ values and leadership identities. By prioritizing care and empathy, we can help guide them toward becoming the compassionate, thoughtful leaders we know they can be and that the world desperately needs.
Link: Making Caring Common, Harvard Graduate School of Education
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Kelsey Twist Schroeder, Ed.D., serves as the Middle School Principal at Georgetown Day School in Washington D.C. Prior to joining GDS, she was an administrator at the Hamlin School in San Francisco and a teacher and dean at Roland Park Country School in Baltimore. Kelsey is a 2011 graduate of the gcLi Leadership Lab and a 2014 gcLi Scholar. She holds a bachelor’s and master’s in education from Stanford University and a doctorate in Educational Leadership from the University of Pennsylvania. Kelsey lives in Bethesda, MD, with her spouse and their four children and returns to the Lab year after year because the faculty group is one of the highest performing teams she has ever been a part of and she learns so much each summer from her colleagues and the participants.