Rishi Raghunathan, LL’15, gcLi Scholar ‘18, History Teacher, University School of Milwaukee
“Daddy, I can’t do it.”
“Yes, you can. I believe in you and I’ll be right there to catch you if you slip.”
“But, it is too high.”
“You can do this. You are the strongest girl I know.”
“OK Daddy. I’ll try.”
When my daughter Annika was four years old, we spent many hours together on various playgrounds. One of our favorite rituals was to pass Saturday mornings hopping from playground to playground. The slides, jungle gyms, and swings were always her favorites. The monkey bars seemed too tall and too wide for her to cross, and she preferred that I push her on the swing. Rather than let her fears get the best of her, I encouraged her to take risks. I’d pull her up to the monkey bars and let her hang and get comfortable with her grip. While supporting her, she would reach over and grab the next rung. Her time on the monkey bars was minimal, but I took pride in knowing that she tried to face her fears. What I learned at gcLi helped me to become not only a better teacher but a better parent as well. Dr. JoAnn Deak argues that “competence, confidence, and connectedness” are the key components of developing leadership potential in girls. More importantly, these 3 C’s have their greatest impact on a girl’s self-esteem when they are experienced and not just taught. This had a profound impact on me as a parent.
When spring came again, Annika spent her time at recess teaching herself to use the monkey bars at the school playground. These monkey bars were closer to the ground and the risk of falling was minimal. It wasn’t until she came home with bloody calluses that we understood the extent of her resilience. Today, Annika is the queen of the monkey bars. She flies across the bars like a gymnast and watching her is a sight to behold.
Competence to Confidence
Annika became competent at the monkey bars through relentless practice. She never kept trying, learned from her falls, and only stopped when her hands were too raw to hold the bars. Resilience, determination, and grit are byproducts of confident, competent children. Slips and falls weren’t fatal to her because she had built up the skills over time and knew how to bounce back. Being able to conquer the monkey bars was a meaningful goal to which Annika could aspire, and it instilled an enduring sense of confidence in her.
Inspiring Confidence in Our Students
Teaching confidence borne of competence is a cornerstone of my classroom. Ninth graders come into high school feeling scared and inadequate. A majority of my students feel tremendous pressure to get into the right college and are afraid of making mistakes. This unhealthy fear erodes their confidence and hinders their ability to build competence from failure. In addition, well-intentioned adults hoping to inspire adolescents further scare them by reminding them that they have left the safety of middle school and now reside in a world where all their actions have consequences that affect their college choices.
I worry for my students when they equate the grade they earn to their value as a human being. In my classroom, my students are encouraged to see themselves as unique, multidimensional people who are greater than just their academic experience. To build their confidence, my students reflect on their successes inside and outside of my classroom. A key component of this reflection is for a student to reflect on the habits and/or attitudes that contributed to their success. Here are some of their responses:
“The behavior that helped me win that game was having faith in myself and respecting what the coaches have to say because they are right and they know what they are talking about.”
“I went in to talk to my teacher and studied more than I would have (ie 3-4 days in advance) and slowly went over the material. I also didn’t stress myself out too much about it because I knew I could do it. So if I studied a lot that day I would just take a break and do something else instead of spending all my time stressing.”
“I prepared well for the auditions and put in the time and effort I needed in order to feel confident.”
“I took many deep breaths and often asked teachers for help when I couldn’t understand an assignment.”
“I think that determination and just having a good attitude helped me get through all of the changes this first semester. Determination helped me through academic challenges and helped me to do all of my work no matter how hard and long it was. It also helped me to balance extracurricular activities with school. Having a good attitude and optimism helped with the move, meeting all of the new people and everything else this first semester.”
Building Connections to Life
Dr. Deak defines connectedness as the sense of doing something meaningful. Annika wanted to conquer the monkey bars, and the more she practiced, the more she wanted to fly from one end to the other. Likewise in my classroom, students are encouraged to find authentic connections to their learning. This is less about content and more about the the process, the messy, non-linear, exciting, and terrifying process. The beauty and the challenge is that the process is unique to each student; every kid’s journey looks different.
To make the coursework meaningful for each student, the teacher must develop a relationship and validate his/her strengths. Collaboration, sharing of good news, sharing of bad news, sharing of emotional needs, and encouraging students to give me honest feedback all build trust and connectedness in the classroom. My students know that I see them, hear them, and have their backs. I can’t make them love World Civilizations, but I can leave them with a little more confidence to apply toward future endeavors.
My daughter Annika is brave and thoughtful. I encourage her to take risks, and I support her no matter the consequence. What I want for my daughter is also what I want for my students. My belief in them will never waver, and I want them to grow into confident, competent, and connected human beings who strive to make a difference in our world.
“I’ve learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.” Maya Angelou
Rishi Raghunathan teaches Upper School African & Asian History at The University School of Milwaukee, where he has worked since 2001. He is a 2015 graduate of the gcLi Leadership Lab, and is serving as a gcLi graduate scholar in 2018 in recognition for his outstanding work cultivating leadership in students. Rishi is an active teacher-leader, serving as an advisor to the Class of 2019, a co-advisor of the Upper School Gay-Straight Alliance as well as the Asian-Heritage Affinity Group. He also serves as a trustee on the Independent School Association of Central States (ISACS) Board of Trustees and is the co-chair the ISACS Equity and Justice Committee. Finally, he is proud to be the The University School’s unofficial mascot, Banana Man.